Jesus Take the Wheel

So, its been awhile since I have taken the time to write. I could blame it on my spotty internet, I could blame it on busyness, etc. The fact remains that I have not updated this blog in some months now. My original intent was for this to be something I maintained regularly, but unfortunately that has not been the case. One of my worst habits is starting things and not finishing them. I am blessed with tons of ideas, but ideas are all they ever are, as they never materialize because before I can see one through, I am on to the next thing. I guess that's something to add to the prayer list - the fortitude and focus to complete things.

When I was growing up in church, there was a praise and worship song that I loved. It (coming from a bible verse) said "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it". He, of course, being God. I was struck by the idea that whatever God's purpose was for me (at that point in my life, unlike now, I didn't care what the purpose was) that he would actually plant the seed and watch it grow and blossom. If only I could be as patient as God.

Sometimes, I do myself a huge disservice and compare my life to those around me - friends, family members, and acquaintances who seem to "further along" or more actualized than I am. People who have careers, houses, and families - while I am still unsure of my right livelihood, rent an apartment, and remain single. I think one of the main difference between me and the people I measure myself against is not a matter of luck or good fortune, I think its because somewhere along the way, they chose a path (or accepted the path divinely chosen for them) and stuck to it.

I have never really had a "path". In college, I had no idea what I wanted to study. I knew that I liked writing, but I hated my school's English department, so I opted for journalism. I never wanted to be a journalist, regardless of how many career tests indicated that it would be a perfect fit. Somehow, I ended up interning...alot,all in the communications departments of many nonprofit organizations, most of which focused on women and children. Each placement taught me something new, but nothing that seemed to stick. I had no profound moment where I felt like "this is what I want to do with my life". So the search continued and continues now.

Actually, I am just beginning to enter a place of surrender. A state of praying for answers and finally making space and quiet time in my life in order to listen for them. The title and topic of yesterday's sermon was "Downtime", which basically talked about Psalms 23, and how God makes provision for us to rest so that we can commune (and communicate)with him. Perhaps this period of uncertainty is really a blessing in disguise. I have gotten so frustrated with where I am in virtually every area of my life, that I realize that trying to work in my strength is probably what's working against me. I am completely and totally dependent on God.

If I am honest, I can't complain really, as I have been afforded so many opportunities to try different things on for size. In a recent conversation, a guy I used to date reminded me that I have experimented with alot of my interests. Its true. Last year, I took classes in jewelry making and book arts at the Corcoran, only to find that I am not really into either of them. As a volunteer with YWDEP (Young Women's Drumming Empowerment Program), I have been able to serve, but also begin learning how to play the djembe - something that I really enjoy. All of these "trials" allow me to categorize things as hobbies or career options. My love of accessories had me thinking that I would develop a business making my own jewelry, but my disdain of blowtorches and acid quickly snapped me back into reality. Earlier this year, I took a bellydancing class and recently I completed a 12week Artist's Way group. My next challenge is to take a cooking class - to see if the culinary impulses I have had for as long as I can remember can actually translate into more than an ongoing curiousity. We'll see.

A friend suggested I reread Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist", which as I remember, focuses on the main character going on this journey to find a treasure that he had all along. I was just listening to Pastor John K. Jenkins of First Baptist of Glenarden on his broadcast about financial freedom. He spoke about being content in where you are knowing that God has given you everything you need. Another friend sent me an article from DailyOM basically said the same thing.

That probably is the case. I am thankful to God, for keeping me in the midst of my confusion, impatience, and doubt. Its so crazy how I can believe God to be the creator of everything (including me), yet not completely trusting how my life will unfold in his care. If I know anything, its that the definition of insanity is doing something over and over the exact same way and expecting a different outcome. So, this post is essentially my commitment to actually "letting go and letting God". Will share the results in praise reports to come.

Peace and blessings,


Nia

P.S.

Attached is "Yes" by the Shekinah Glory Ministry - a song which humbles me every time I hear it.