Rant

Tuesday night I watched “Very Young Girls” a documentary about the sexual exploitation of adolescents in New York. Their accounts were unsettling, one after the next talking about how they got into “the life, selling their bodies for the profit of some (usually older) man. The pattern that seemed to follow was that the men would approach the girls and masquerade themselves as potential lovers or father – whatever void appeared to be in the girls’ lives. Through manipulation, they would ensnare them...”I love you. If you loved me, you would do this for me” and eventually the girls would prove their devotion by going on the track and down a path they would have never envisioned.

Wednesday morning I was still disturbed by what I’d seen and called my mom to vent. Surprisingly, we had a great conversation. Generally she just tries to change to subject to something more “pleasant”, but this time, she had offered her perspective. Later at work, I was telling a coworker about it and his eyes just glazed over right before he put on his headphones as if I hadn’t just said that the average age of young women entering prostitution is 13. I’m like “DO YOU NOT HEAR ME??? THE AVERAGE AGE OF YOUNG WOMEN ENTERING PROSTITUTION 13!!! DOESN’T THAT MATTER TO YOU???”

Sadly enough, I am not shocked at blank looks, shrugged shoulders, or topic switching when I talk about matters like this. When I started volunteering with the DC Rape Crisis Center, I was so impassioned with all the new things I was learning about sexual assault, gender roles, sexuality, domestic violence and all of the isms (racism, sexism, classism, etc). During my 8 week education, I was completely blown away by all these thoughts and concepts that I had never considered (Gender is a continuum???) and could not wait to share and discuss these revelations with my family, friends, and colleagues. I assumed that for the most part people would be open-minded, or at the very least interested. Imagine my disappointment at the awkward silences and apathy I was met with.

I know I am not the only one who thinks about this stuff. My bookshelves are literally lined with books about women’s rights, transforming rape culture, sex work, and healing from sexual violence. The volume of literature alone proves that there are voices out there. My DCRCC volunteer training group was so large that people had to sit on the floor because there were not enough chairs. With the last two Saartjie Project performances, during our talkback, several audience members comments on the relevance of the show in addressing the issues of the black female sexuality, including the abuses of it for money. So I know the dialogue exists, but only in these pockets – these “feminist”, “womanist”, “intellectual” pockets – so while the dialogue exists, it often feels like preaching to the choir (or sitting in the pews).

My issue is getting beyond the theory/rhetoric and being proactive. I stopped volunteering as a rape crisis counselor, when a particular training session triggered my own memories of being assaulted as a child. Taking time out to heal myself (i.e. get counseling), I fell back from the movement, beyond reading about it. I found a creative outlet for my concerns with Saartjie, but I still want to do more. I want to talk to folk outside of the “pockets”, and compel them to listen instead of grabbing their headphones or turning a deaf ear. I get really discouraged though. I know it is not an easy conversation for anyone, but it is relevant and unfortunately always timely.

More later,

Nia