When I Put My Weapons Down

Still haven't made it to yoga class, still have not properly meditated or prayed - but I will. I have been doing my Morning Pages. Sometimes I hate doing them. Even though I know they are beneficial and sing their praises, there is something about having to wake up at 6:15 in the morning to start writing or do anything that irks me. Thankfully, the writing does not have to be profound (though I find lots of interesting things when I read back on my old entries), just whatever I can muster, cranky with sleep still in my eyes and on my mind.

I have noticed some progress with the coworker (Thank God!) that I lamented about in an earlier post. He is still irritating, but I discovered that I feel better and more relaxed when I stop working so hard to ignore him. We have shared stories and laughs that I never would have expected. In telling a friend about this change I said "the war ended when I put my weapons down". In dealing with him, I transformed into this person most people who know me well would not recognize - cold, prickly, defensive, and quiet. Somehow, I thought withholding my natural warmth and kindness would make him easier to get a long with. All it did was add fuel to the fire. I know there will be stumbles as the other day, he made the assumption that I could sing (of course all thick black women can sing, of course) even though he's never heard me utter a note and then suggested that I sing a negro spiritual for Black History Month. Dear readers (the two or three of you that are out there) please pray, light a candle, or hold a space for me. We shall overcome!